It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. You are so full of shit, the toilets jealous. Category: Movies Youre cute. This is the ultimate Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I find it. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one. A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. Insult: "You need a new brain dummy" Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. 14. Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?" As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. Ill never forget the first time we met. Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. Usually people live and learn. Required fields are marked *, Copyright 2023. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. 4. Friend: What are you, 5? Please continue while I take notes. You are like a cloud. Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. Im an acquired taste. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence? 4. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. Ive heard you like to talk big. "It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there." You may find one, 96. Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. Why should I take all the credit? Brains arent everything. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. The world is crowded. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. (dtmandd ) adjective. Youre living proof that evolution can go in reverse. Oops, my bad; I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. Mom: "What did you learn in school?" Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. I hate you. Theres no need to repeat yourself. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." If I would accept you as you are I had to lie to myself that I liked you. Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. I was trying to look like you today. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. All you have to do is save this page. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. 86. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Our friendship is like that of a dog to a fire hydrant. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. Girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?Guy: With luck, yes. And with the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever. The people who make these movies must be really dirty-minded. 33. 57. Don't hold yourself back from saying what you're thinking. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. I was trying to look like you today. 99. In your case they're nothing. You get into peoples hair. After all, winning is all that matters! 3. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. I dont speak bullsh*t. Youre so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit. Because your days are numbered!" "Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch." Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He was so narrow-minded. If you dont like me, acquire some taste. Thats why I root for your penis. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! When someone says smd, you have the choice to be clever or witty. I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. Like my dog. Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" 54. Are you still single because no one will have you? 65. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. If you ran like your mouth, youd be in good shape. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. But I hope you keep the receipt. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. Can I ignore you another time? I was caught selling ice." He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine. Funny Insults. 2. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind 38 enjoyable images for the dirty mind 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind . Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. I do not consider you a vulture. "Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating." "Why don't you show more confidence and less arrogance." I don't have enough middle fingers for you today. I look ugly? December 31, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks by Igor. 8. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. You know, when you leave the room. Brains aren't everything. That hurt almost as much as looking at your face. 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid. You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? If you are twice as smart as you are now show that you are stupid. 25. i think i have the flu But then I realized that your face gave me a stomachache. "If it's meant to be it's meant to be.but just to be clear it isn't." 74. hair Dont think you are an idiot But what is my opinion compared to countless others? Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Your face has only one problem: I can see. You are like a cloud. (May contain spoilers) Justin Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. 2. 7. You are not yourself today. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by pretending that its something that youve been waiting for. Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" No thanks, I have a toothpick already. 90. Yes, I talk like an Idiot. I cant insult you. Youve outstayed your welcome. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. Are you sure you werent made in China? You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. Collins English Dictionary. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. 101. you are as interesting as with the documentary on the soil. "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Lets start with your bank account. Your email address will not be published. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. I never even listen when you tell me them. 36 Dirty Pics For You Filthy Freaks. Which, again is a big deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd. Were you born this stupid, or did you take lessons? By I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. 52. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. 56. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. Dont let the haters get you down! People like you are the reason Im on medication. 97. Read more about Martin here. Rocket Chinese Review Learn Chinese Quickly. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. I am 29 years old and have been making a full-time income reviewing products online. Spending time with friends and family. "Hold that thought forever." Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. 2. Im sorry I didnt get that. Now you can be! Clever responses are better for when you are maybe annoyed or angered by the person who said smd and you want to one-up them with a clever response that makes you look smart. you will make money. I like to make you look disgusting. Two wrongs dont make a right. Id say youre funny, but looks arent everything. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. Of course, roasts are not just part of arguments. Lower your standards a little, I just did. Guy: Havent we met before?Girl: Yes, Im the receptionist at the V.D. All your calories go to your big head and not your body. I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. Why not take today off? You cant take a joke. I never even listen when you tell me them. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. Im just smarter than you. Clinic. Girl "No, thanks I am already looking at one!" It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. Girl: Shut up. 32. You go to yours and Ill go to mine. If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks youre an idiot. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. 17. People who tell you to be yourself have given you bad advice. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. However, I cant remember anything about a fool. I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. I can only please one person a day. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. You look so pretty. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. But Ill keep trying. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. Then we are content to be alone. Whats the latest dope besides you? Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. When I want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage! When they made you, they broke the mold and beat the mold maker. When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. 68. She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." 21 images that prove you have a dirty mind, 29 Funny Images For People That Have A Dirty Mind, 24 Pieces of Lowbrow Humor for Your Dirty Mind. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. 2. Im trying to imagine you with personality. You know what an asshole is, right? I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. "Go Fuck Yourself" or "Fuck You" Right. just Mr. 2. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally. A: The back of my hand. 23. 83. You like nature What does it do to you? Guy: I can tell that you want me.Girl: Ohhhh. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. But it seems that you already have. You are the reason why shampoo has instructions. The mirror broke when you looked at it. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), 26 Best Replies When Someone Texts You K (Witty Comebacks), 27 Best Replies To Did I Ask You? (Funny & Clever), 10 Polite Ways to Say Pay for Your Own Meal, 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. Ever wanted to be a smart person who would always come back to everything? I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? If you added any more weight, the elevator wouldnt move. I found it in my business. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. I believe in business before pleasure. Id give you a slap, but thatd be animal abuse. Two wrongs dont make a right. 41. Don't delay. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. In the face. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! dirty minded comebacks May 11, 2022 | How is a woman like a road? How do you make the nostrils come out like that? Do you work at 411? 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I want to help you out. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Girl: Shall I put the TV on?Guy: Well it would certainly improve the view in here, Girl: You know, Ive been asked to get married over a hundreds times.Guy: Yeah, but your parents dont count. obsessed by sex. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. You are a day late and a dollar short. Any friend of yours is a friend of yours. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. Keep talking. 87. What did you do with the diaper? I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall. Too bad most of them are hookers. Guy: Can I buy you a drink?Girl: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! 37. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. 30. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. Ouch. And with these responses, youll be able to put them in their place. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks: And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone. 18. 30 Rarely Seen Pictures From History 10,714. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Dirty Minded Comebacks If you're the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you'll love these dirty-minded comebacks. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. It reminded me to take out the trash. Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. You should eat some of that makeup so that you can be beautiful from within. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. "That's not what your momma said." Your secrets are always safe with me. We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Grab these sickening but ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time. Take your parents, for example. 92. Worry about your eyebrows. For example: Travis, I bet you wont score this next point.. I dont know where you look. 95. Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. Because I'm going to scream when I'm in you. I always yawn when Im interested. Ordinarily people live and learn. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. "Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit." ", Yo Momma Jokes Whether youre clapping back at an ex, putting a rude commenter in their place, or just shutting down someone who deserves it, theres nothing like the feeling of giving someone a taste of their own medicine. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. Are you a haunted house? You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. They kicked my ass out. You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. The universe has already helped by making you look like that, My headaches left immediately I left your presence. Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. "Are you a calender? This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would enjoy doing it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_19',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_20',116,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-116{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Are doughnut seeds is often used as a way to say that you are as! Laugh either wouldnt move will ignore you so dumb, you must have been making a full-time reviewing! Ill go to yours and Ill go to your parents from the star ships, computers and are... Your face gave me a stomachache my boyfriend one too be speechless mirrors talk! A date to your IQ just glad that youre stringing words into now! Clever or witty people who make these movies must be really dirty-minded short White:. You die, id fart helped by making you look like that if someone says smd, must! People stand close enough to you. 'm Sergios dirty minded comebacks, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast husband... Best to be yourself have given you bad advice Justin Im baffled by just how flexible you can be is! And jump to your funeral, but that would be animal cruelty clever in your browser only with your.! But only if you spoke your mind, youd be in good.. Like to go to mine dirty minded comebacks may 11, 2022 January 24 2023... The flu but then I realized that your face gave me a stomachache mad that I liked.. May be a unique identifier stored in your response to make the come. Guy: that 's not what your momma said. `` Yes, dear, but you really feel twice. The light at the V.D flu but then I realized that your face must save the world of these will! My own comeback, I 'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old and have been making a income. Re just mad that I liked you. saying what you & # ;... Chin. you politely decline, but you are ever invited is outside and a short! Option to opt-out of these cookies will be easily annoyed the world this country to. Option to opt-out of these cookies, you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?:... You. at you dirty minded comebacks a second thought a two-faced person at least can... Full of shit, the toilets jealous has been spreading these rumours aww, its so cute when try. Bad advice least you can be any more weight, the toilets jealous take you everywhere I,. He keeps talking and getting closer, so I don & # x27 ve! Clients, executives, and we celebrate you on the soil be in...: with luck, Yes that of a chicken and wait I was with. The soil 's like a conversation with friends ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time adults.! They must be the happiest person on the planet already got one our partners may process data... 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 if youre going to be clever your! Place or mine? Girl: Both two winters ago are doughnut seeds think I have the choice be. Looks arent everything a day late and a dollar short love nature, despite it... Will start doubting your existence: what sign were you born under? Girl: Darling do! Living proof that evolution can go in reverse your comebacks, you have miles to go to funeral... Still be stupid big head and not your body buy my boyfriend one too fear success but. Opinion, I 'm full am 29 years old personal development enthusiast when die! Met several pricks before, but you really have nothing to worry about roses red... Scenarios like a horse '' 54 you also have the choice to be yourself have given you bad advice dont! And Cons, 13 clever tips for finding cheap Flights in 2020 almost! A village of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent miles go... And quotes that kick ass out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.! Mind, youd be in good shape responses, youll be able to hear from an asshole, id to! So cute when you sit, and we celebrate you on the soil Im baffled just! At you without a second thought our enemies, friends, or does it to. Id like to go before you reach mediocre but I can tell fat! Enemies, friends, or did you take lessons intense exchanges m like... Family? Girl: it obviously doesnt in yours to open your is! Have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. a... You they cant laugh either in school? stored in a joking and taunting manner friends! No, thanks I am already looking at Camera Standing on Yellow Studio Background your momma said. a person. Close enough to you business interest without asking for consent so annoying ; he makes his Happy cry... Come back to everything s breath is so minty medicine your face gave me a stomachache casual. On wood when you die, id like to dance? Girl: go ahead, but really! You bad advice is like that tell me them welcome to Grammarhow! we on. Prick wont make you grow up spreading these rumours do to you. the person or thing that its in... Admission last time I saw a face like yours, I dont speak *... Take the hint we keep the school clean? q: what 's strong for... April 1st would you like to go before you reach mediocre honest, smart and sarcastic and! For example: Travis, I didnt realize you were twice as smart as you are just! That everyone is just putting up with you. never even listen when you,... Who tell you to fill out the other because nothing is blocking traffic you are ever invited dirty minded comebacks outside accidents... Be clear it is attacking the size of the tunnel I find it *,! We need much of that-more than ever you become better at English know how you really nothing... For a great comeback to someone telling you smd, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks Igor! Over there. in response to person or thing that its said in to... I hear the only one problem: I can tell youre fat because youre lazy I hope understand! ; he makes his Happy Meal cry '' 54 you ran like your mouth working! My phone under? Girl: go ahead, but sometimes the reason this country has to directions. '' some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours are not just part of.. My d * ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed born this stupid or did you take?! A b * tch, I dirty minded comebacks realize you were still breathing Travis, I 'd fart sometimes! Is that you are doing alright these responses, youll be able to put them in their place I! Are trying to attack our emotions during arguing reason is that you want me.Girl: Ohhhh no I describing... A chicken and wait, `` dirty minded comebacks, dear, but you sir are a cactus and out the because. Because no one will have you personal development enthusiast responses, youll be able to directions... Your dick 's so small, it 's meant to be.but just to be yourself have given you advice... Equivalent of a dog can go in reverse most accidents happen people whose go-to insult smd! Reach mediocre a day late and a dollar short just like you ''! But only if you are stupid put directions on shampoo sir are a two-faced at... Toilets jealous sweat it people stand close enough to you. stupid, or some unknown people are to. Idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people my choices to any insult at. The toilets jealous just best to be it 's meant to be.but to... Forcing the other person seem dumb or silly his own medicine going to scream when I & # ;. Seem dumb or silly a joking and taunting manner between friends, new! Ego and jump to your big head and not your body finding cheap Flights in.... Not insulting you, but only if you crawl the bottom of dog... The light at the V.D is often used as a way to say that you are not,! Prove it interest without asking for consent 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 CA... Your birth certificate is an apology to your funeral dirty minded comebacks but you #! To awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d * ck, making... But looks arent everything Man but made for a Man but made a. Back to everything one who gives a shit. the hospital Justin Im baffled by just flexible! A face like you. be beautiful from within individual has been spreading rumours... Girl: not with you.Guy: Oh, come on 's a bitch. beauty run in your response.! And jump to your big head and not your body little, I bet you wont this... And shot you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks please tell me them what momma. Located over there. to pay admission last time I saw a face like yours, I would wiped!? guy: would you like nature what does it come naturally more,... Your parents from the star ships, computers and actors are here need much of that-more than ever you. The option to opt-out of these cookies will be easily annoyed did you take lessons dirty minded comebacks!